New Blog

I am sorry I have seemingly abandoned this blog. But quite honestly, I keep up with most you on Facebook anyways. But...as I did with Cullen, I'd love to journal this next endeavor we have embarked on. So if you are interested in learning about our "Sweet Surprise", please visit http://oursweetsurprise.blogspot.com/



So I know I have adamently proclaimed that we are done adopting. And we likely are. But maybe, just maybe we aren't.

In all the years of trying to have a family, I have always been faithful to the same prayer. "God, change my heart and desires to match Your plan, not mine." And when Cullen came home, I truly felt our family was complete. I was complete.

But I began to notice this tiny twinge about a year ago. It was a teeny seed of doubt that we were not done. It wasn't a need of my own that I felt wasn't met. But rather a need I felt we may be called on to someday meet. I can't explain the feeling. I wondered if maybe we would be called to provide foster care or adopt internationally. In any case, I knew the time wasn't now, so I have tried not to give it too much thought.

Meanwhile my love for African and Haitian children has steadily grown. So I've begun to wonder if perhaps we were meant to bring another child home. And if that's the case, I'm pretty certain that it may be from Haiti. I watch Adoption Stories all the time and am continually drawn to the episodes in which families travel to Haiti. And more specifically to the orphange God's Littlest Angels.

So when the earthquake hit this week, it stirred up a lot. A lot of questions and very few answers. Is this where God will one day lead us? Will we add to our family in the future? Or will He call us to help Haiti in other ways, like long term financial support.

At this point, I know very little. But I do know that my love for these people is stronger than ever and my heart is broken for them. I will pray for the people of Haiti and I will contiue to pray that God leads us on the path that He has chosen. Whatever that path might be.


Awaiting Jameson

Ok, so I didn't know that Kristine would want me posting them all over Facebook, but I just had to share a few pics from our little shoot this afternoon.


Anniversary Syndrome

It's been creeping up for several months. But the past few weeks have been even worse. Suddenly in a single moment it all comes crashing back. The smell. The trees and presents. And once the cold air hits my face I am brought back to that wintery night last December. It's freezing, but I barely notice. I think I am numb. But I can feel that my heart is racing. I think to myself "this can't be happening".

We've done this dance before. Many times actually. The phone rings. It's late. It can only mean one thing. I grab Shawn's coat and keys for him while he jumps into his shoes and then he's out the door. He flies down the street to his parents while I make arrangements for the kids and follow right behind. We rush to his side. Ambulances come, maybe a few days or weeks in the hospital and then he's home again. It's how it always goes. It's the dance we do. And it always begins with a the phone ringing at some unexpected hour.

But this time it was different. It was Christmas Eve.

And everything about it felt different. The urgency in my mother-in-laws voice spoke volumes. "TELL SHAWN TO GET HERE". That's all she said and the phone went silent. I knew this time was not like the others. I raced to a neighbors and started frantically banging on their door. And within minutes I too was racing down the street.

By the time I arrived, Shawn was out of breath from doing CPR and was sitting on the floor hugging his knees. It was a furry of activity. Firemen, EMTs. Chris's dad had heard the call and dispatched all available units. Betty was so shaken she couldn't even stand. This was definitely different. So I went outside and paced. Waiting for Amy and Kristine, I tried to make sense of all of this. This could not be happening. NOT on Christmas. WHAT would we tell our children? The thought was unconscionable.

The rest seemed to happen in slow motions. Walking into the hospital. The looks of sympathy. Being escorted into a "private" waiting room. The waiting room you know is set aside for grieving families, now our family. And then being in the trauma room. The only room big enough for the whole family to come into and say our goodbyes in.

It was around midnight when we stood around his bed. Trying to understand why this time was different from all the rest. Hoping we'd all wake up from this terrible dream. We hugged, we cried and we wished one another a solemn Merry Chrsitmas.

Hours later, we were be back home again. And the kids soon to wake. We would play this charade Christmas Day. Pretending that nothing had changed, when in reality everything had. But the kids deserved to enjoy some type of Christmas before we broke the news.

When talking to Alex later that night she was sad, but still didn't seem to really get it. Then all of the sudden her expression changed and she had the biggest most excited smile. She said "Mom, Christmas is Jesus's Birthday. And Grandpa's with Him now. That means Grandpa gets to celebrate Jesus's birthday WITH him!" She thought that was pretty awesome.

The wisdom of a five year old!


Cullen's New Room

So we moved Cullen into his new room. Formerly Allie's Pink Princess Room. We still have to finish the trim, buy a dresser and second mattress, hang pictures, etc. But you can get the general idea.

Cullen loves his new bed and has had no transition issues. It's so much fun decorating for a boy!


Down Syndrome Awareness

October is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month. And I would love to give a shout out to my friend Tyler!

Many of you have heard me talk of Tyler and his family. And some of you are even blessed enough to know them personally. You may also know that they have had a very, very difficult and challenging year. And I would ask that you continue to keep them in prayer. However that story will have to wait, because right now we are simply celebrating the wonder that we call Ty-Ty!

Tyler was born with Down Syndrome, along with a multitude of other medical challenges. But let me assure you that none of his "labels" truly describe who he his. Personally, I choose to describe Tyler as:


Tyler is an enormous personality jam packed in little boy's body. His will to live, thrive and excel is an inspiration to all. He is a fighter in every way. His strength and loving spirit have forever imprinted themselves on every individual whom he meets.

Oh, and I failed to mention that Oct 2nd is also LiveStrong Day: Uniting individuals affected by Cancer.

And unfortunately this day also applies to little Tyler. Keep fighting Sweet Boy. Keep Fighting.

We love you Tyler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!