Hot Off The Press

You'd think we would learn...but no. I started a DVD for our adoption profile back in August. It took me forever to complete. Not because it was terribly hard, just that it took me awhile, quite awhile, to find some direction with it. So a few weeks ago, I finished it (or so I thought). I was about to send in the copies the next day when we got a call to be profiled. I kicked myself for dragging my feet with it. Well then come to find out...there were some changes we needed to make anyway. In the meantime I have also been busy updating our profile. Well I finished it on Sunday, but was waiting for the DVD to send it. And lo and behold, we get another call TODAY to be profiled. This time, not only do they not have the DVD, but they don't have the new profile either....ARGH!!! So tonight I hurried off to the printer to make copies of the profile, finished making the changes to the video and burned all the DVDs. I swear, come hail, wind, sleet, rain (or in Rochester's case-snow)....I WILL mail these out tomorrow if it kills me. I know we are too late for this profilng. But I refuse to miss another opportunity with the next. Here's hoping!!!

Not Chosen

I just got the call. We were not selected. At least I know and that feels better than not knowing at all.

0 to 60

Like I said. It's a ride! Yesterday we were at zero and today, 60.

I talked to our case worker yesterday afternoon and I mentioned about only being profiled once. Then today we get a call...not THE call...but A call. Our first call actually since the last case we didn't know about until after the fact. So here I am. Stomach in knots. Hands shaking. Head spinning.

The case is a great one. And my heart jumped when she said the birthmom lives in Tennessee. Shawn and I both have this unexplainable draw to TN. We went for the first time in 2004 and fell head over heels for the area. So we returned in 2005 and 2006. We even went as far as considering relocating there!

So now we just wait. And I won't even kid myself about this one. I want it and I want it bad! But it is out of my hands. I realize there are a lot of families being profiled and a lot of families hoping and praying for the same thing. So I just pray that I don't crash too hard.

Here's hoping!

All Aboard

A friend of mine likened this journey to a roller coaster ride. And that it is. The entire adoption experience is filled with extreme highs and extreme lows, unpredictable twists and turns, valleys and peaks. The highest of hills can quickly turn into the steepest and fastest plummet back down again. But in the end, it is certain to be a ride of a lifetime. And for many, they can't get back in line quick enough.

And then there was me. It took me awhile to decided if we even wanted to embark on this journey again. Although the end result for us was the greatest blessing of our lives....the road was not easy. I wasn't sure if I wanted to expose myself, and my family, to another ride. But here we are.

It has been 5 months and to my knowledge we have only been profiled by our agency one time. So we have decided to board the Mother of all roller coasters....Private Adoption. And yesterday I took several of the first steps. Placing ads.

Today marked the first day our ads were run in newspapers in Knoxville, TN. And tomorrow they start in Albany, NY and Allentown, PA. We also have our online profile posted in numerous places. I am nervous beyond belief! But there is no turning back. I am going to embrace this ride and can't wait to see what lies ahead. So let the phone start ringing!!!

Christmas at Home

Well, it looks like we will be spending Christmas at home this year. Home being Rochester. For a few weeks it looked like we may be spending Christmas in Bethlehem, but that no longer seems likely.

In mid November, we were put in touch with an expectant woman in PA. For several weeks we spoke on the phone. We talked about her, us, her kids, Alex, the baby and her current situation. Things continued to proceed forward and she was well into making an adoption plan for her baby. So we started to prepare and get some things in order. Notified work. The whole deal. But it never seemed right. I couldn't help but thinking that deep down she really wanted to keep her baby. She was already parenting two children and seemd to be doing a wonderful job. We knew all along that, although he wasn't going to fight it, the father was not in agreement with the adoption plan. And last week she indicated to the agency that she too was unsure at times as well.

My greatest fear as an adoptive parent is that my children's birthparents will come to regret their decisions. That, given a "do-over", they would have chosen to parent. And I would hate to think of anyone being in that place. I have seen it too many times already. And all through this situation, I kept hearing the voices of the many birthmothers I have met over the past five years. So many echo the sentiment that they wished someone would have told them "they could do it" and that their situations were temporary and that things would get better.

So I sent "L" a letter last Friday. I told her what an amazing mother I thought she was and that she would no doubt make a wonderful mother to this newest child as well if that is the route she chose. And that although Shawn and I would be over the moon at the possibility of adopting this baby, we totally understood if she had changed her mind and decided to parent. We have heard nothing in return and assume that means she has made her choice. And that is ok. Actually, it is more than ok. It's great.

Of course I am sad for myself. But for her and this baby I am so very happy. I wish them only the best. And I am honored to have been part of their lives, if only for a short while.

Eating my words already

Well I was prepared to wait patiently until the first of the year before taking another step forward, but it appears I am not all that good at waiting afterall. Go figure. I received our official homestudy approval in the mail this past weekend. Although it was exciting in one sense, it also seems hard to believe we have been officially waiting over a month already. One month come and gone and not even a single call. Sigh.

So last week I decided to take the plunge and post our profile online through Adoption STAR. I don't know if many matches happen as a result of the internet, but I know it was an important tool Alex's birthparents utilized in selecting Adoption STAR and ultimately us as parents. So we'll see where it leads!

In addition, I have also decided to compile a video profile. Problem being that our MAC (which housed about 7000 photos) died, and I mean died, about 3 months ago. So we took it into the Geniuses (yes that is what they call themselves) at the Apple store and begged for help. Wouldn't you know that within 30 minutes the darn thing was up and running and all my precious photos and videos are once again at my fingertips. All hail the Genius Bar!!! Boy that was too close of a call though.

So as I type this on my PC, the MAC is currently being back-up on a seperate hard drive. And then I will begin the task of putting together this video. As I look back on all the photos I will no doubt be taken back in time to four years ago when our amazing little girl was first placed in our arms. I am always flooded with memeories and emotions of that special time. And hopefully one day soon we will once again know the feeling of being entrusted with the most special blessing.

Niagara-On-The-Lake

Teri and I spent the day on Sunday at Niagara-On-The-Lake. Shawn was at the Bills game and Alex spent the day with Grammy. Would you believe that it was the first real "Girl's Day" I have had since Alex was born! We had a great time even though the weather was pretty crummy.

We also hit The Galleria Mall on the way home. It was lunch at The Cheesecake Factory (yumm-a-lish) and then off shopping. I was thrilled to find these basket liners at Pottery Barn Kids. Who knew orange gingham would be so hard to find. Needless to say, it works!

We're Official!

We had our home visit on 8/21 and I mailed out our profiles on 8/24. I called the agency yesterday to check on our status and it appears we are officially a "waiting family". Although our homestudy has not yet been filed, the rest is just a formality and we are able to be considered for cases now. Wow, we made it!

Now for the hard part....THE WAIT!

The Nursery

I called today to see if STAR had heard anything about our fingerprints. I figured we were only at week 7, but thought it was worth a shot. Much to my delight...I found out that our prints were back within two weeks!!! Which means the ONLY thing we are now waiting for is Shawn's TB testing. God help that man if he doesn't have it done this week...I will be changing the locks and he can sleep in the playhouse.

Thought I would celebrate by posting what we have done so far in the nursery.

Adoption Update

Well, not that there is much to update on, but it is all starting to come together. I completed "most" of the paperwork last week and Shawn and I went for our fingerptrinting on Thursday. The officer was really nice and even printed Alex so she could take home a keepsake. The only forms I still need to complete are our physicals and wait for a copy of Alex's Birth Certificate. I'd send in my own copy, but the County Clerk has all our Birth Certificates while they go through the verification process for our passports.

They say about 10 weeks for the fingerprinting to be processed, so that means we are looking at mid August before we can expect to be approved and offically "waiting". Then the drama will begin. So for now, I can just sit back, relax and enjoy the summer!!!

The Paperchase

We received our two inch homestudy packet today. For those that aren't familiair with the process the packet includes forms where we disclose everything from our medical and financial records to the type of adoption we are interested in considering. Even though we have been through this before, I found this packet to be very overwhelming today....so much so that I just put it away entirely. So I will pull it out later tonight and try to complete one form at a time, until it is complete! On Monday I will call about getting fingerprinted, make a physical appointment, and send away for copies of our birth certificates and marriage certificate. I believe this portion of the process is called The Paperchase.

Call Me Crazy

Call me crazy, but I made a purchase today that I have had my eye on.

Anyone who knows me, knows what a planner I am. So of course the whole adoption thing makes my hair stand on end. The unsettledness of not knowing when our baby will come, where he or she will come from and the circumstances surrounding his or her arrival. So what CAN I control in this process? Answer: the nursery! As I did while preparing for my daughter's arrival, I intend to start the nursery before a match/placement. For me it is cathardic. So after months of looking at different patterns, I decided on Cocalo Baby's Alphabet Soup. It is gender neutral and even more adorable in person. So today, I purchased these prints off e-bay! My very first purchase for this new baby!!!!

I still remember my first purchase for Alex. We had literally JUST made the decision to adopt. Suddenly I was filled with hope and just knew our baby would arrive in time. So after years of denying myself even the thought of browsing the baby departments, I allowed myself one purchase...a Gund stuffed dog (a Golden Retriever of course). Alex still sleeps with it and I smile each time I think about that shopping trip and the hopes it held.


So anyways, this is the bedding that the prints coordinate with. And it just so happens that I painted the walls the perfect color green already! I am just tickled pink...or blue!