Haiti

So I know I have adamently proclaimed that we are done adopting. And we likely are. But maybe, just maybe we aren't.

In all the years of trying to have a family, I have always been faithful to the same prayer. "God, change my heart and desires to match Your plan, not mine." And when Cullen came home, I truly felt our family was complete. I was complete.

But I began to notice this tiny twinge about a year ago. It was a teeny seed of doubt that we were not done. It wasn't a need of my own that I felt wasn't met. But rather a need I felt we may be called on to someday meet. I can't explain the feeling. I wondered if maybe we would be called to provide foster care or adopt internationally. In any case, I knew the time wasn't now, so I have tried not to give it too much thought.

Meanwhile my love for African and Haitian children has steadily grown. So I've begun to wonder if perhaps we were meant to bring another child home. And if that's the case, I'm pretty certain that it may be from Haiti. I watch Adoption Stories all the time and am continually drawn to the episodes in which families travel to Haiti. And more specifically to the orphange God's Littlest Angels.

So when the earthquake hit this week, it stirred up a lot. A lot of questions and very few answers. Is this where God will one day lead us? Will we add to our family in the future? Or will He call us to help Haiti in other ways, like long term financial support.

At this point, I know very little. But I do know that my love for these people is stronger than ever and my heart is broken for them. I will pray for the people of Haiti and I will contiue to pray that God leads us on the path that He has chosen. Whatever that path might be.

Small Moments

Since I'd love to get back into blogging again, I thought I would participate in this weeks Open Adoption Roundtable.

This weeks writing, a "small moment made possible by open adoption".

My moment happened the day I met my son.

Unlike with the adoption of my daughter, 4 years earlier, his was a much more open adoption. And because of this, I was able to meet his firstmom. We spent five hours with one another in the hospital on the day of discharge. We shared many laughs and tears.

My moment came during our good-bye.

A hug that captured a world of emotion.

It was as if silently we held a full conversation.

Her to me, how much she loved her child. How she would miss him and think of him every day of his life. Begging us to take good care of him and to always tell him of her love.

Me to her, thanking her for trusting us with her precious son. Promising to be the best parents to him that we knew how. Letting her know that she would always be loved and that he too would know of her love.

We then just stared into one another's eyes, Mother to Mother. That moment created a forever seal between she and I. Words were not necessary. I knew that there was no other woman on earth that loved my son as much as I did. But her.

Prayers for Emma

Please continue to pray for Emma and her family. If you remember, Emma recently joined her family when she came home from China just one day before her 1st birthday.

Upon arrival to the US and through a more thorough examination, it was identified that Emma has something kidney related going on. The initial fear was Melamine poisoning possibly due to tainted Chinese formula. But this most recent news is even worse. It is not Melamine, but likely a congential nephrotic syndrome. And in time, it is likely that Emma will need a transplant.

I have heard those words before and they are a devestating blow to family. My own father passed at the age of 47 due to a similar disorder. Since many of these disorders are hereditary, as in our family's case, two of my nephews also share this disease (Alport Syndrome). We know that transplants are also in their future as well. And the thought breaks my heart. (Note- my dad never did have a transplant, so it is likely that he would have lived longer had he gone that route)

I am equally devestated for Shane and Jen and little Emma. Emma's first 12 months were no day in the park. We will never know exactly what she experienced in the orphanage, but from the clues her parents have picked up on, it was a rough way to start life.

Please keep sweet little Emma in your prayers. We know that miracles can and do happen every day and are trusting that this just may be one of those case. And if not, please pray for her mom and dad. Pray that God provides them with the wisdom to make the right medical decisions for her and the strength needed to get through it all.

Also, on a similar note, I have another request for prayer. A cyber friend of mine Jen was also given some difficult news. As she was preparing to undergo surgey to donate a kidney to her cousin, it was found that she has a cancerous tumor on one of her kidneys. Already shaken with the recent death of her beloved grandmother and the news that her father too was diagnosed with cancer, this couldn't have come at a worse time for Jen and her family. Please keep this family in prayer as well. I know Jen could really use them!

Tyler James

Congratulations to Chris and Jessica on the arrival of their new son, Tyler James.

I had the honor of meeting little Tyler earlier today. What a beautiful, beautiful baby!  I just couldn't pick a favorite photo.

Happy 1st Birthday, Cullen!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

In one breathe I think about how the past year has gone by so quickly, yet in another it's a struggle to remember a time that didn't include our sweet little boy. I never doubted that adoption worked and that it would happen for us too. But who knew it could be so perfect (twice). Yet still, when it does happen, it is such a surreal experience. And for many, like us, it happens quickly. Very, very qucikly. I mean the wait may feel like anything but short, but once that "call" comes, life goes from 0 to 120 in seconds.

A year ago this day I had nothing to post. It was just an ordinary day, or so I thought. I had no knowledge that our son was busy making his grand entrance. I would not know for another day that our time had come and he would be joining our family. And we'd wait another after that to meet him.

I know I have said it before, but Cullen is truly every bit of what our prayers were made of. It's like my heart was not only preparing for a baby ...but all along, it was preparing for HIM! God knew what, and who, would complete our family. Another adoptive mom uses the term "sweet completion" and I just love that. It truly describes how I feel about my children and my life. I am so very, very blessed.

Cullen,
I love you more than the breath I breathe. Like with your sister, I hope that Daddy and I can give back to you even a fraction of the joy and fulfillment that you give to us every day. We love you to the moon and back and wish you the Happiest of First Birthdays.

Melissa,
You know my thoughts. And the love that our hearts hold for you. And we think of you even more on this day. I pray that blessings be wrapped around. And know that today, and every other day, Cullen is surrounded by love.

At Last...

Emma is finally right where she belongs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Ye Gui Xing

Deep breath Sue, deep breath. I am just so tickled that I can't even wait until tonight to post! After a nearly three year wait, our dear friends in Tennessee have received their referral from China!!!!

So far, they have only received a few pieces of info....
Name: Ye Gui Xing
DOB: 3/5/08 (9 months old)
Province: Guangxi

Today at 4pm (3pm Eastern) they meet with their social worker to review her medical records and get to see a photo of their sweet baby girl, whom they will call Emma.

And hello?????? Did you see her DOB!!!! That has been the talk since March. How close in age would Emma be to Cullen (and Ellie). How is it possible that all three babies were born within a week of each other! So the "twins" have now become triplets. What fun we will have next July getting the three babies together along with their three big sisters!

I will post a photo and updates as they come in, but for those interested in following their journey, Jen's blog can be found here.

And this is for you Emma. After living in the hearts and minds of so many for so long, we all join together in sending you many Merry Christmas wishes from around the world. You'll be home soon sweet girl. Very soon.

"Our" Ellie

Ok, you probably think I am referring to Teri's sweet, adorable Elliana. But actually, we had our own Ellie once upon a time, or almost did at least. But it didn't last long. In truth, she was never really ours to begin with. But my heart was opened to her as if she was. For a short time last Fall/Winter, we were working with a woman in PA. And after several conversations getting to know one another, she asked us to adopt her unborn baby girl. Of course we eagerly agreed.

I loved LeAnn. That was instant. She was the sweetest young woman. And I always enjoyed our conversations. It's as if distance and circumstance hadn't been as they were, I am sure we would have been the greatest of friends. I admired her courage, determination and love for all of her children. But she was adament that she did not have the means to raise a third child.

After much internal resistance, I began to make plans. I packed a diaper bag. I picked out a name, Elizabeth. I pictured her tiny body all dressed in pink lying in her crib and her dark curly hair. But it never felt right. And in the end, LeAnn decided to parent. And I knew then like I know now that it was the right decision for everyone.

But I still think of her so very often. Of the whole family actually. LeAnn was usually just getting Markus to bed or brushing out Marigold's hair during our phone chats. I could hear them in the background. And I loved them too. I worried for all of them. I still do. And I wonder how the baby is. What was she named? She is about to turn one. Is she healthy? Walking?

Although I know this baby was never really ours, she and her family will always carry a special place in my heart. She opened our hearts to adopting transracially and led us on a road that ultimately brought us to Cullen.

And for that alone, I will be forever grateful.

(And no, Teri never knew of the name I had chosen until after Elliana was born. It's funny how life works, isn't it.)

New Ticker

As you can see, I have created a new ticker! You know me, always looking forward to the next vacation and time away with my family. This trip will be extra special for a few reasons. First, it's back to Tennessee, a place we have fallen in love with. We began going each year, but have missed the last 2 years due to buying the house in 2007 and doing Disney in 2008. So it will be a visit that is long overdue.

In addition, our friends Howie and Teri will be joining us with their family as well. As you may know, our kids are the same ages and pretty much inseparable. But the last vacation we took together was in 2005 to Sesame Place. The girls, big and little, have been dying to travel together again.

And the best part is that we will be seeing our friends Shane and Jen! I met Jen (or "Gee-in" as they say in the South) about 7 years ago through Hannah's Prayer. It was a list serve for Christian families experiencing infertility. We struck up a friendship that we have maintained ever since. And as chance would have it, they happened to move forward with adoption plans at the same time we did. Our girls are only a few months apart in age! So in 2004, we met in person for the first time. They live in Western TN, so we all met up for a week at the Smoky Mountains. Never meeting in person, we have low expectations. Who knew if we'd "click" in person. And what about our husbands? Would they get along? Well those fears were dismissed immediately. We had an amazing time and have met back their for two additional trips.

And keeping with the pattern, they two are in the midst of their second adoption. Jen has always had a heart for the Chines children. They were just about to switch to the China program when their daughter Hannah was born. So they decided to go through China for their second child, Emma. Emma has lived in all of our heart for many years and it looks like it is finally almost time to meet her!!! They should be getting her referral in the next couple of weeks and should be traveling to pick her up shortly after that. I can't believe that after a three year wait...Emma will finally be here...in the US! And if the guesstimates are correct, she willbe right around Cullen and Ellie's age. So next summer, for the trip. We will have two sets of triplets! Do you see the same photo ops that I see????

So that is what we are looking forward to now. And we booked this amazing cabin overlooking Gatlinburg. Teri and her family will be staying with us, and Jen and her family close by. Oh the anticipation.

And check back for Emma updates. I am beside myself with excitement, I can't imagine what they must be feeling!!!

Adoption Songs

I am on a quest. A search to find the most perfect song(s) for Cullen's video. We did a lovely video of Alex's placement day and her first year. It is such a treasure to me! And now it is time to start Cullen's. I have a huge list of songs I love. Yet I continue to search for the PERFECT one.

Although I still don't know that I am crazy about how the song is actually sung, I LOVE the lyrics of this one that Teri found for me.

A MOTHERS PRAYER
by RANDY MOORE

They laid the baby in her arms
she watched her newborn son sleepin'
she bowed her head in silent prayer
and asked the Lord for his safe keepin'
you know his life has just begun
sometimes it won't treat him fair
so be with him when I can't
all I can give my little man
is this Mother's Prayer.

A MOTHER'S PRAYER CAN MOVE A MOUNTAIN
A MOTHER'S PRAYER IS PURE AS GOLD
AND THE ANGELS UP IN HEAVEN
MAKE SURE SHE GETS HEARD UP THERE
CAUSE THERE'S NOTHIN' THAT'S MORE
PRECIOUS TO GOD'S EAR
THAN A MOTHER'S PRAYER

She tries her best to explain
as she holds his little hand
she says you're meant for better things
I hope that you can understand
all the papers have been signed
and your new home's waiting there
and one day they'll tell you soon
how you were the answer to
another Mother's Prayer

A Special Day

Today was a very special day for two very special children...mine!

Alex's teacher has given each of her students a "special day" in which they are the helpers and where they can share a bit about themselves with their classmates. Alex has been counting down the days until her "Special Day", September 25th. It finally came. And she was so very excited. Mommy came in to school and made little books for each of the students containing facts about Alexandra. We read one of Alex's favorite books to the class and she introduced her brother to all of her friends. I wish I had borrowed a camera and captured the fun!

But Daddy had our camera in Texas for another very special day, Cullen's adoption finalization. The agency that Cullen's birthmom worked with is based out of San Antonio. So Shawn flew in yesterday in order to be present at today's court appearance, in which Cullen David Reardon was offically declared OURS!!! And it is with tear filled eyes that I type this news. I look at my two beautiful children each day in amazement and wonder how is it possible that we have been so blessed!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

STAR Picnic #6

Yesterday we attended our 6th Adoption STAR picnic. Alex was only 7 weeks old at our very first one! It is so awesome to see the amount of families that have welcomed home their children in that time. It was a wonderful chance to catch up with old friends and meet many new ones. Unfortunately Alex was extrememly car sick again and quite miserable when we first arrived, so I didn't have much of a chance to snap photos. But I was able to snag this from a friend's album of Cullen on my mom. Thankfully she came along to help me with the kid, while Shawn stayed back and painted.


I other news, Shawn's dad is back in the hospital with CHF symptoms. He's having a lot of trouble breathing and he gained 15 lbs in 2 days. Liver and kidney functions are both off two as well as having a bad infection in his leg. They will perform an echocardiogram today and hopefully have some more answers soon.

And we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Lillianna Renee. My sister-in-law isn't due for another 4 weeks, but they expect that she could actually go any time now. Let's just wait til grandpa gets out of the hospital first though!

And please keep the Gardner family in prayer. It seems this family just can't catch a break.

The Road to Cullen

Just as I did with Alex, I finally got around to jounaling the path that led us to Cullen. It's too long to paste the entire document, but his story can be found here. In addition there is also a link over to the left that will stay on this page.

The Other Side of the Story

It seems many of us have been blessed with new little wee ones these past few months. We have spent much time celebrating these new arrivals. But as with many things in life...there are often two sides. And it is always wise to have perspective, so let us also remember the other side.

BIRTH PARENT GRIEF

My nights were broken
Split by the wail
of my phantom baby’s cries
Half asleep I would stumble
to the crib that wasn’t there

Awake
Aware now
I would return to my bed
With empty, aching, arms

I wondered as I hugged my pillow close
And rocked myself to sleep if you were out there
Truly crying

If your cries had somehow traveled to me
If you were now being rocked and comforted by another

Or if those tears
And cries
were welling up from a place deep inside me
And spilling into my dreams.

~Brenda Romanchik

For each and every adoptive family that I celebrate with, my heart also goes out to the women (and men) that make it possible for us to become parents. We thank you. And we do not forget you.

It arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so excited (and surprised) when I opened the mail on Saturday and found Cullen's passport!

And did I mention that I got lengthy apologies from individuals with both the town and clerks office. :-)

80 more days til finalization......and 121 til Disney!!! Yippeeee.

ENRAGED

I am so angry that I can barely type of form a complete thought!!!! You may remember me mentioning that we needed to obtain a passport for Cullen to take him on the Disney Cruise with us this Fall. Well, I talked to the adoption agency in TX (who we used for his adoption) and they sent us all the paperwork we should have needed. Although we don't yet have his amended Birth Certificate, supposedly we should be able to apply based on these legal documents from the agency. TX assured me they do it on a weekly basis for families and that it was no problem what so ever.

Fast forward to this afternoon.......
Shawn and I literally got kicked out of the Greece Town Hall. We had three inches of documentation proving who we were and who Cullen was. In short, she basically accused us of stealing a baby off the street and falsifying documentation. We got the TX legal dept on the phone and the clerk refused to speak with them.

Now I understand that she has likely never faced this request, so I was willing to be patient. But we clearly had everything that the government website said we needed, including proof of US citizenship, hospital records with proof of DOB, terminatation of parental rights papers for both birthparents, permission from the agency and notarized approval from a TX judge (with raised seal included). And not only did she refuse to help us...but she was so incredibly rude. And her insinuations really hurt. They didn't just anger me, they truly hurt. But apparently this is not the first time that NY has held up paperwork for this agency. Sounds like NY is known for that

I am just so incredibly tired of feeling like a second class parent!

Introducing Jeremiah

Congratulations Bill and Rebecca!

The Official Announcement

We are HOME!!!

We made it in around 4pm yesterday afternoon. The whirlwind now continues with a constant stream of family, friends and neighbors all eager to welcome the little guy home. He is such a dream come true and a definite anwser to prayer. The Bible says to be specific in your prayers...so I was. And here he is. The child I have prayed for!

There is so much I would love to share about our journey to him and about the awesomeness of this experience. But that will have to wait until I have just a bit more time. Promise it will be soon :-)

Pictures of a Happy Family