Christmas at Home

Well, it looks like we will be spending Christmas at home this year. Home being Rochester. For a few weeks it looked like we may be spending Christmas in Bethlehem, but that no longer seems likely.

In mid November, we were put in touch with an expectant woman in PA. For several weeks we spoke on the phone. We talked about her, us, her kids, Alex, the baby and her current situation. Things continued to proceed forward and she was well into making an adoption plan for her baby. So we started to prepare and get some things in order. Notified work. The whole deal. But it never seemed right. I couldn't help but thinking that deep down she really wanted to keep her baby. She was already parenting two children and seemd to be doing a wonderful job. We knew all along that, although he wasn't going to fight it, the father was not in agreement with the adoption plan. And last week she indicated to the agency that she too was unsure at times as well.

My greatest fear as an adoptive parent is that my children's birthparents will come to regret their decisions. That, given a "do-over", they would have chosen to parent. And I would hate to think of anyone being in that place. I have seen it too many times already. And all through this situation, I kept hearing the voices of the many birthmothers I have met over the past five years. So many echo the sentiment that they wished someone would have told them "they could do it" and that their situations were temporary and that things would get better.

So I sent "L" a letter last Friday. I told her what an amazing mother I thought she was and that she would no doubt make a wonderful mother to this newest child as well if that is the route she chose. And that although Shawn and I would be over the moon at the possibility of adopting this baby, we totally understood if she had changed her mind and decided to parent. We have heard nothing in return and assume that means she has made her choice. And that is ok. Actually, it is more than ok. It's great.

Of course I am sad for myself. But for her and this baby I am so very happy. I wish them only the best. And I am honored to have been part of their lives, if only for a short while.


terilynnh2000 said...

Sue, never say never- who knows what could happen between now and Christmas-your little miracle may find his/her way to you! Proud to call you a friend. xoxo

Colette said...

Sue...all things happen for reasons...we have talked about that before. Like Teri said...you never know. Keep the faith and look at what has progressed...alot! It will happen...you know that! Christmas at home isn't too bad : )

Paulette said...

Keep the faith! Your day is coming!

Life with my BOYS! said...

Sue-the strength that you continue to show is amazing...it took a woman with great compassion to be able to write a letter such as yours! Enjoy Christmas with Alex, Shawn and your families... and hey, you never know what could happen!

Wondering when you will find us said...

You are an amazing women, and so selfless! You always think of others first, and are sooo caring! Any BM will be lucky to have you as adoptive parents for their baby!