Christmas at Home

Well, it looks like we will be spending Christmas at home this year. Home being Rochester. For a few weeks it looked like we may be spending Christmas in Bethlehem, but that no longer seems likely.

In mid November, we were put in touch with an expectant woman in PA. For several weeks we spoke on the phone. We talked about her, us, her kids, Alex, the baby and her current situation. Things continued to proceed forward and she was well into making an adoption plan for her baby. So we started to prepare and get some things in order. Notified work. The whole deal. But it never seemed right. I couldn't help but thinking that deep down she really wanted to keep her baby. She was already parenting two children and seemd to be doing a wonderful job. We knew all along that, although he wasn't going to fight it, the father was not in agreement with the adoption plan. And last week she indicated to the agency that she too was unsure at times as well.

My greatest fear as an adoptive parent is that my children's birthparents will come to regret their decisions. That, given a "do-over", they would have chosen to parent. And I would hate to think of anyone being in that place. I have seen it too many times already. And all through this situation, I kept hearing the voices of the many birthmothers I have met over the past five years. So many echo the sentiment that they wished someone would have told them "they could do it" and that their situations were temporary and that things would get better.

So I sent "L" a letter last Friday. I told her what an amazing mother I thought she was and that she would no doubt make a wonderful mother to this newest child as well if that is the route she chose. And that although Shawn and I would be over the moon at the possibility of adopting this baby, we totally understood if she had changed her mind and decided to parent. We have heard nothing in return and assume that means she has made her choice. And that is ok. Actually, it is more than ok. It's great.

Of course I am sad for myself. But for her and this baby I am so very happy. I wish them only the best. And I am honored to have been part of their lives, if only for a short while.