"Our" Ellie

Ok, you probably think I am referring to Teri's sweet, adorable Elliana. But actually, we had our own Ellie once upon a time, or almost did at least. But it didn't last long. In truth, she was never really ours to begin with. But my heart was opened to her as if she was. For a short time last Fall/Winter, we were working with a woman in PA. And after several conversations getting to know one another, she asked us to adopt her unborn baby girl. Of course we eagerly agreed.

I loved LeAnn. That was instant. She was the sweetest young woman. And I always enjoyed our conversations. It's as if distance and circumstance hadn't been as they were, I am sure we would have been the greatest of friends. I admired her courage, determination and love for all of her children. But she was adament that she did not have the means to raise a third child.

After much internal resistance, I began to make plans. I packed a diaper bag. I picked out a name, Elizabeth. I pictured her tiny body all dressed in pink lying in her crib and her dark curly hair. But it never felt right. And in the end, LeAnn decided to parent. And I knew then like I know now that it was the right decision for everyone.

But I still think of her so very often. Of the whole family actually. LeAnn was usually just getting Markus to bed or brushing out Marigold's hair during our phone chats. I could hear them in the background. And I loved them too. I worried for all of them. I still do. And I wonder how the baby is. What was she named? She is about to turn one. Is she healthy? Walking?

Although I know this baby was never really ours, she and her family will always carry a special place in my heart. She opened our hearts to adopting transracially and led us on a road that ultimately brought us to Cullen.

And for that alone, I will be forever grateful.

(And no, Teri never knew of the name I had chosen until after Elliana was born. It's funny how life works, isn't it.)