For This Child I Prayed

God is good, I know this. And He does hear ours prayers, I know this too. Yet I am still amazed at this wondrous creature I hold in my arms and all that led up to his homecoming. Never have I done more praying than during the wait for Cullen. My prayers started out very general, but soon became specific. Let me explain.

A good friend, probably my closest friend, began a second adoption journey in 2006. Their first daughter came very quickly and they hoped the second would as well. But that didn't happen. A year went by, and still no baby. At that point, Shawn and I started the process again too. I knew how badly they wanted a second child and the toll the previous year of waiting had taken. So I began praying that their baby would find his/her way home before ours. Although I knew she would be overjoyed for us, I didn't want that joy to be damped with sadness over her own situation. And amazingly enough, that prayer was not only answered but with better timing than anyone could imagine. Our son was born only FOUR DAYS after their daughter.

I also prayed that our baby would arrive in time for our Disney World trip. I know it sounds like a silly desire, but I really wanted this vacation to include our whole family. Our COMPLETED family. We don't leave until November. Chalk that up to another answered prayer!

The next part happened gradually. In November, we made the decision that we were open to adopting transracially. Over the months following that, I became increasingly excited. By January, I was envisioning ourselves with a biracial child. I just felt it in my heart. By February not only was the desire even stronger, but my heart pulled in an even more specific direction. A biracial baby BOY! From commercials to magezines, everywhere I turned these curly haired, dark eyed and beautifully toasted skin babies/toddlers yanked at my heart. Then one day Teri and I were shopping in the mall when we noticed Parker. The child of my dreams...and my heart. There he was on a GAP ad. I confidently told my friend, I WILL be adopting a child just like that. And I began to pray again. He may be named Cullen, but I have my Parker. The most gorgeous biracial baby boy! God is so, so good.

But it didn't end there. After a failed match last Fall I was really worried about that happening again. I fell in love with this little girl and even allowed myself the indulgence of naming her. So I had at it again. I realized my list of requests was growing, but what was one more? So I started to pray that we would get a call last minute. My prayer was quite specific. "God, please let our baby already be born before we get the call". Cullen was 24 hours old when we first learned of him.

I should also add that I was a bit intimidated by the ICPC process. Would we travel with Alex? How long would we be out of state? Etc. So I really hoped for a child born in NY state. And he was. You don't get much more NY than Staten Island!

So when Sue called me on March 12th, 2008 (5 days after Ellie's birth). I couldn't believe my ears. It was for a healthy biracial baby boy born in NY the day before. Was that not everything I had prayed about! But he was far from ours yet. Other families would of course be considered. At that my heart hurt. Thinking this little guy may or may not be ours. I wanted him so so bad! I left work, got in my car and started praying like crazy. We found out at 9pm that night that Cullen's mother had chosen us!!!!!

But it gets even better! Anyone who knows me knows my strong desire for an open adoption. It is something I have always longed for. And I am so happy to say that we have the most beautiful and open relationship with Cullen's first mom. She amazes me more every time we speak! I am honored to know her and to have her in Cullen's life. I cannot even believe how good God is!!!

My mom bought the above piece many months before we knew about Cullen. But it says it so perfectly!!!