In all the years of trying to have a family, I have always been faithful to the same prayer. "God, change my heart and desires to match Your plan, not mine." And when Cullen came home, I truly felt our family was complete. I was complete.
But I began to notice this tiny twinge about a year ago. It was a teeny seed of doubt that we were not done. It wasn't a need of my own that I felt wasn't met. But rather a need I felt we may be called on to someday meet. I can't explain the feeling. I wondered if maybe we would be called to provide foster care or adopt internationally. In any case, I knew the time wasn't now, so I have tried not to give it too much thought.
Meanwhile my love for African and Haitian children has steadily grown. So I've begun to wonder if perhaps we were meant to bring another child home. And if that's the case, I'm pretty certain that it may be from Haiti. I watch Adoption Stories all the time and am continually drawn to the episodes in which families travel to Haiti. And more specifically to the orphange God's Littlest Angels.So when the earthquake hit this week, it stirred up a lot. A lot of questions and very few answers. Is this where God will one day lead us? Will we add to our family in the future? Or will He call us to help Haiti in other ways, like long term financial support.
At this point, I know very little. But I do know that my love for these people is stronger than ever and my heart is broken for them. I will pray for the people of Haiti and I will contiue to pray that God leads us on the path that He has chosen. Whatever that path might be.
